What I Ate This Week: Day One.

Starting this new clean(ish) eating adventure, I was really curious to see what I was eating, and I was thinking that some of you who read my blog would be interested to see as well. I really wanted to compare what I'm eating now with a typical daily menu that I would eat while on Weight Watchers, and compare how I felt at the end of my first week doing this. So... here goes nothing!

Monday 3/10/2014

Breakfast, 7:00am: Paleo Bread with almond butter and banana, Berries with greek yogurt and maple syrup, COFFEE

Snack, 11:10am: Tangerine, Hard Boiled Egg

Lunch, 12:50pm: Grilled Salmon, Roasted Chickpeas and Cauliflower with Dijon Vinaigrette, Roasted Beet Salad (with golden raisins, fresh lemon, raw cashews, olive oil, pepper, salt), Dark Chocolate Bark with Coconut and Cherries (homemade!)

Mini-snack, 2:00pm: Tangerine

Note: It is now 3:25pm, and I am still full from lunch and my tangerine, which I was planning to eat as part of lunch and ended up eating a little later since I was full. I usually want a snack around this time, but I'm not really hungry. I may eat some of my peppers and hummus prior to leaving work at 4pm, just because I'll be going to a workout class that starts at 4:30 and I don't want to be totally starving afterwards, but I am happy that what I've eaten today so far has kept me satisfied longer than lunches would previously. Must be all the healthy fats, oils, and protein!



Snack, 3:45: A few peppers and kalamata olive hummus, Tropical green tea

Workout of the day: Pure Barre class


Now usually after Pure Barre and before choir on Mondays, I head to Freebirds, which is delicious, and get a steak taco salad creation. However, after Monday's class, I remembered that this is around the corner from the studio:

Now, to be clear again, I'm NOT eating a gluten-free diet, but I figured, why not try some gluten-free pizza? Yummmm. This place is called Palo Alto Pizza Company, and it was AWESOME.

First, I saw that they had a salad bar, so I loaded up:

(There are kidney beans, black olives, and chickpeas under there too. I went all out!)

And then of COURSE I couldn't choose a specialty pizza from the actual menu. I wanted chicken, but it seemed like all the chicken pizzas came with creamy garlic sauce or BBQ sauce, which I did not want. The veggie pizzas all had a couple veggies I don't particularly like, such as red onions and sundried tomatoes (barf). So I spent some pretty serious $$ making a custom veggie and chicken pizza... but it was totally worth it. And I'll have leftovers for later this week yaaaaahssssss.

So... if anyone wants to go get pizza again, come visit me and I'm totally down. Plus, now I have leftover pizza for the rest of the week!

Finally, I had a handful of cashews (which I keep in my purse) during choir, since I got hungry, and when I got home, I had a little treat:

We got two of the Ben & Jerry's "core" flavors (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED OMG) this weekend, and I couldn't help but sneak a bite of the Salted Caramel flavor:

So that was day #1. Stay tuned for Tuesday soon!

New Perspectives on Food and Eating

So, I was e-mailing my friend that I share stuff about food and weight loss with this week, and I realized there was a lot to share. I've done a lot of thinking about my relationship with food, and here are a lot of the things that I've learned.



"First of all, my therapist brought up a few things about me, and my relationship with food. Basically, when it comes down to it, I've never felt like I was able to trust myself with food. I was always in some pattern of restricting what I ate and then bingeing and feeling like a failure, or I've been on a diet that told me what I should eat. Lately, with Weight Watchers, and tracking what I've been eating, I've felt like I was having to restrict what I eat (without realizing it), and then I'd give myself "passes" on certain days, like my birthday, to eat whatever I wanted, and I'd go way overboard, as if those foods that I felt like I could eat only on those "free pass" days would not ever exist again. So, I've been trying to figure out how to trust myself with food, and have a normal relationship with food (which I've pretty much never had).

So I cancelled my Weight Watchers account.

I started reading a book called "Intuitive Eating," by Evelyn Trebole, where the premise is basically, you need to stop dieting and give yourself unconditional permission to eat. You are allowed to eat any food you want. It says when you have permission to eat anything you want, your body will figure out what it needs. However, it states there will be a period in which you will probably gain weight while you figure out what your body needs, and you give yourself this permission to eat. It states you need to let go of any weight loss or diet ideals, as this can cause you to restrict food. When you accept eating for health and when you become in tune with your body's hunger signals, you can trust yourself with food and know what you need to eat.

I think there are a lot of good principles there, but my problem was that I just can't let go of the "weight loss" or at least weight maintenance mentality. I was trying to use Intuitive Eating last week, and giving myself permission to eat more chocolate than usual, more sweets, more things that were not good for me, telling myself I needed to learn to trust myself around these foods... and then I saw something I didn't like on the scale when I weighed myself the other day. Now, I understand that my body's set weight might be a little higher or lower than it is right now, but I just can not let go of all the work I've done to lose weight. I feel so much healthier at my current weight, I have so much more energy. But I still want to get rid of this awful "diet or binge," "all or nothing" mentality I've always had with food.

So, I've decided to trust myself on my journey with food. Once I stopped tracking everything on Weight Watchers, I felt free. Like, why wouldn't I put walnuts on my oatmeal in the morning? They are full of good fats, and I think they are delicious in oatmeal. But l used to avoid them because they were too many "points." I also used to have a ton of crap like fat free cool whip around. I don't even like fat free cool whip, I'd just eat it because it was 0 points on WW for a few bites. It was a filler but I didn't feel satisfied after I ate it. And who says I can't have wine and dessert? I would never let myself do that "on plan," but now, since I've stopped restricting or dieting, I've realized that I enjoy a glass of red wine a few nights a week. And that makes me feel happy and satisfied.

But I still want to be healthy. I don't want to keep jelly beans, chips, and other things like that in my house, since I know that these cause me too much anxiety to be worth having around. I feel like these items are addicting, and they do nothing towards me finding my health and peace with food. I need to learn to feel when my body is truly hungry, and really feel what it needs. But, I find that if I have too many choices of what my body needs, I get anxious. I will always choose "candy" and "simple carbs" as what my body needs. They are addictive and momentarily satisfying. That is always what I will want.

So, I'm making my own rules. I don't want to follow anyone else's rules or diets. I have decided I'm going to eliminate refined sugars and flour from my diet 80-90% of the time.

I'm not going to follow a Paleo diet necessarily, or eliminate dairy. I still think that milk and greek yogurt are things that keep me satisfied and happy. And I still want flexibility so that if my boyfriend brings me a sandwich from his favorite sandwich place, or I happen to find the new Ben and Jerry's core flavors at Whole Foods, I can have some of that. I don't want anything to be "off limits" so that I will give myself permission to binge on that food if I've already "blown it" for the day, or week, or whatever. I don't want to continue buying "diet" foods that aren't satisfying, or just steaming vegetables because that way, they don't have added fat or calories. And I want to truly get in touch with my hunger signals, but I feel like I can't do that when I have so much sugar and so many simple carbs around, and the option to eat these things all the time.

So that is where I'm at. I've gone through a lot of ups and downs over the past couple weeks trying to figure this all out, but I think truly changing my lifestyle so that I am NOT restricting foods, and I AM eating wholesome, real foods, and making sure I'm feeling satisfied, will be a good thing for me in the long run. I think this will be a way for me to start to find peace with food. And I can't say for sure this is the solution for me, or that I'm not going to slip up and have ups and downs, but I definitely feel peace that this is what I need to do.

So basically, different things work for different people. There isn't one simple solution, and I've been working really hard to find mine.

But I'm excited! Although I'm not following a Paleo diet, I've been scouring Pinterest for some fun Paleo recipes, since these fit within what I want to eat, and I'm attempting Paleo bread today. I also have the Gwyneth Paltrow clean eating cookbook, and made a delicious recipe from there for dinner last night. Maybe this is just the honeymoon phase of me trying this, but I really feel that it's freeing.

I think I'm going to keep monitoring my weight, but I'm not going to judge it. I know that my body will work itself out to being its natural weight that it wants to be if I'm following my hunger signals. I know that it's going to be hard for me if I gain a few pounds, but I also know that because I'm generally healthy and active, it will be okay.

And as for exercise, I want to keep it something I enjoy doing because it
makes me feel good. I love running (not always, but a lot of the time) and love yoga, and I don't think these are just vehicles for losing weight and burning calories. I know when I work out, I don't want to worry about how many calories I've burned, and I want to try to trust my body to figure out how much more food I need once I work out. I'm on my way."



So that, friends, is my new attitude on food. Here are some of the things that I've made so far:

Dinner 3/8/14: Roasted Cauliflower and Chickpeas, Grilled Salmon with Grilled Lemon Vinaigrette (from Gwyneth Paltrow and Julia Turshen's It's All Good cookbook), + spinach salad with mustard vinaigrette and golden raisins

Dark Chocolate Bark with coconut, cherries, and sea salt (also based on It's All Good's recipe)

And finally, I made Paleo bread! It does not taste like bread bread, and I didn't think it would. But it's bread-ish! And I did it!

Here's the process, in photos:

This one is the Paleo Grain Free Cashew Sourdough from Urban Poser.

And finally, this morning for breakfast I had a nice two-egg frittata with mushrooms, spinach, and avocado (the "sour cream" is plain nonfat greek yogurt) and fruit salad.

Stay tuned for more pictures of what I'll be eating this week - and have a great week, everyone!

xoxo

An Accidental Mud Run

I signed up for a local trail race with friends, hoping to do a quick 10k on a Saturday morning, and have a nice brunch with friends afterwards. Little did I know that California, after a winter-long drought, would decide that just before spring, we'd make up for the drought with ALL the rain.

A glimpse of what was been typical that week...

I really wanted to document more about this race with photos of everything... and then it was pouring. The on and off precipitation that has been the weather of the week was definitely ON that morning. It poured on my drive to the park, and I got there, got parking, and sat in my car until it was about 15 minutes until my start time. I arrived, I stood under a shelter for a bit, and then it was do or die.

Lining up at the starting line, I noticed that the mats you have to run over for your timing chip to signal your race starting was in the middle of a muddy patch of grass. Awesome. A sign of good things to come!

The first two miles of the run were like a mud run obstacle course. Well, they're what I imagine a mud run would be like, except I don't voluntarily elect to run in the mud. Generally. But it wasn't so bad. I knew when a big puddle was coming when the sea of runners in front of me would part, scattering and picking up their feet, dodging the water. But then, there was one puddle once we hit the trail in the woods beyond the park that was completely unavoidable. It stretched across the entire path, was several yards long, and surrounded by mud on either side. It was wet. Very, very, wet.

Although my feet felt like cold bricks for the first mile or two, it then started to miraculously clear up! I didn't feel very fast on my run, but I still managed to keep a sub-10 minute mile pace and finish in about an hour - not terrible!

Overall, here was my result:

Time: 1:00:20
Pace: 9:44/mile
Place: 16/41 in age group, 105/389 overall

So not bad! No PR, but a very strong effort, especially considering the conditions. Two of my friends got third place in their respective age groups as well, which is really awesome. Here is the "after" pic of us with our medals:

And then finally, we got a celebratory brunch. Mmmmmm pancakes and eggs.

Success :)

Race Season

I am very excited that my personal "Race Season" is starting this week!

I'm starting out with a 10k race on March 1st, a local trail race that I was talked into doing by some friends that I run with. Apparently you get medals for all races (5k, 10k, half marathon) and the company that puts on these races always has really good food. We're talking pizza, Its-Its, gels, the whole thing. We know I love good food, and I just got this fantastic medal and bib display for my birthday, so another medal would add to my small collection that I've started to accumulate.

My awesome display!


The next race that I have coming up is a local half marathon on March 15th, which is partially going to be run on a paved trail that I frequent. The best part about this race is that it's St. Patrick's Day-themed, so I'm going to go all out with the green! I found some gems in the Target dollar bins, which I am very excited to wear.

Finally, I'm off to San Francisco on April 6th for the Rock 'n Roll Half Marathon! This will be a good friend's first half marathon, so I'm very excited to be there for that and do the race with her.

And then I'm going to REST. My plan is to take at least a month and a half off of distance running before beginning to train for the final event of the summer. (I'm not sure what I'll be doing in the fall yet. We will see!)

I was very excited to hear that a good friend from college would be in San Francisco working for a law firm this summer. He is a runner, and told me he was thinking of doing the first half of the San Francisco marathon this summer. And since I was like ZOMG ME TOO, we decided to do it! I'm officially registered! It's the first step for me in doing the Half it All Challenge, and HOPEFULLY, the first of three steps in joining the 52 Club in 2016!

So for this upcoming March and April "Race Season," I have a few goals.

1. Set a new half-marathon PR, and hopefully get a time of 2:20 or under
2. Beat my previous 10k PR (58:57)

And then when I do a 5K in June, I'd love to get a new 5K PR as well. Very exciting!


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I also hit a new milestone in my yoga practice this weekend as well. Previously, I was struggling with wheel pose. When done correctly, it is like this (image is from myyogaonline.com):

I generally have no trouble getting into the pose fluidly, and in my head, it feels like this:

But coming out of the pose for me has always been like this:

No really. One time, doing yoga in Boston ages ago, I came out of a wheel pose so hard on my right shoulder that I had a giant bruise for a week. Generally I come out of the pose about halfway, using my arms to gently let me down... then freak out and fall down on one side or just come down hard in general.

Finally, this week, I successfully got into a wheel TWO times, then came down from it twice! I kept telling myself to trust my arms, trust that they were strong enough to let me down twice - and I made it!

Totes all this, all the time:

And in terms of food, I had a very successful first meeting with my therapist. I'm kind of starting to leave Weight Watchers by the wayside, as a result. I still believe it's a great diet - but it is just that. A diet. It helped me to lose weight, but now, I need something that I can maintain and will not feel restrictive.

I'm working on feeling my body's hunger and fullness signals, feeling satisfied, and not depriving myself. I'm also starting to read a book called Intuitive Eating, and I'm hoping that it will help me in the process to figure out what my body needs. It's strange abandoning the structure of Weight Watchers, but I think instead of wanting to trust points and a program, I'm going to have to learn to learn and trust my body and its signals. I will let you know how it goes!

xo
S

Asking for Help

I know it's been awhile since I last wrote - there are a bunch of reasons for this. One, honestly, is that I've been busy. Despite the luxury of having two three-day weekends in a row (awesomeeeeeee), somehow I always manage to fill the time.

Another reason I haven't written is that there hasn't really been anything food-wise inspiring me. I don't want to go into great detail on a public forum, but I've continued to struggle with certain food issues. Everyone has their stuff to deal with, I realize that. And I have mine. As I've stated, maintenance has been hard - I've done it, I've managed it, but mentally, it's different from weight loss, less clear cut. And, as I've said, it's scary! I have never done it before. I do know that this time is different, but I want it to continue to be different, and successful.

So, after some discussion with a friend and A, I've decided to start seeing a therapist. I have my first appointment tomorrow - and I'm really excited! My insurance can cover sessions, and I found a person, who I spoke with on the phone today, who I think can really help.

This is the first time I'm seeking help on my own, which is a big deal. Sometimes you just can't manage everything by yourself, and I think this is one of those instances. I don't want to fall back into bad habits, unhealthy habits and ways of thinking. I know I have changed a lot of things, but there are many things that still can be changed. And I know things will never be perfect - but I think they can be better.

So, I'd like to close with something that one of my friends, the one who I talk to about weight-loss related stuff, told me about therapy, and asking for help. She said:

I'm really proud of you for realizing that you needed help. That's one of the hardest things to ever admit to yourself -- trust me, I've been there! I know you know this, but I'll emphasize it for you: asking for help makes you a strong person. Asking for help does not mean you are broken, or weak, or anything negative. It means you're smart enough to know that something is wrong and you need help in fixing it.

So I hope this can help you all to know - we all have our struggles. It hasn't been a cake walk since I've decided to lose and maintain weight, despite the success that I've had. And I do appreciate those successes. I also have the issues that I need to deal with. But - I'm strong enough now to realize when I need help with something, that I am capable of finding that help. I hope if any of you do, you're able to ask whoever it is that can help. (And I am always open to talk with anyone who needs it, too! Always let me know if that person can be me).

xoxo
S

The Stoopidest Three Pounds Ever + Vote for My Next Recipe!

GUH. You guys. I got super annoyed on Tuesday when I stepped on the scale at the gym and once again, it read 146 point something. I think it was 146.6, to be exact, but it's been 146 point something for the past month, since returning from my two week vacation and the holidays.

Sigh.

I know, this calls for Regina George again.

The logical part of me (which I'd like to think is most of me... eh...) is telling me to shut the eff up about it. I mean, seriously. Who cares about two or three stupid pounds, except me? It's a number. My clothes fit exactly the same. I look exactly the same. I weighed 35-40 lbs. more than I do now at this time last year. Three pounds is not a big deal. There is no actual reason for me to be upset about it. None.

Yeah, but I'm still a little annoyed about it.


I knowwwwwwwwwwww . . . shutupshutupshutUP.


But if I can, let me briefly state my case.

I don't want to allow myself multiple weeks of letting it all go routinely (like over vacation), pretending I can eat anything I want and not care about tracking or making any attempts to stay within my food routine. I know eventually I'd like to just eat to satisfaction, and know what my body needs, but I can't do that yet. I have too many bad habits that I've accrued over the years. When I have no accountability, it leads me to make bad choices. So - I don't want to let myself do that over and over.

I don't want the weight I've lost to slowly creep back. I mean, this is not something that keeps me up at night, by any means, but it's definitely something that happens to people, and I don't want myself to be one of those people. A told me I was being a little silly about this - I have not gained any weight since coming back since the holidays, after all. However, I don't want to gain a little over Christmas, a little over Spring Break... and so on. I don't need more excuses or to start that slippery slope.

I DO want to maintain within the same weight range of 140-145, and do that over a considerable range of time, to prove to myself that I can maintain. I haven't really done that any other time I've lost weight, and I really think this time, I'm keeping the weight off.


Given those things, I do want to give myself credit for some good things that I did over the winter holidays and have continued to do now.

I've continued to weigh myself. Whenever I've gained weight before, I've stopped weighing myself and pretended like the scale didn't exist - I was always in denial. I've continued to monitor my weight throughout the entire time I've been maintaining my weight to make sure this doesn't happen again, and I'll continue to do so.

I didn't go completely crazy over winter break. Sure, we ate out a lot, ate a lot of desserts and stuff, but it could have been a lot worse and I could have done a lot worse. So I'm giving myself a break.

I also kept up workouts and running throughout that vacation. We went to the gym when I was in Las Vegas, I worked out and ran in Sacramento, and I ran and went to the gym in Oregon. So that was pretty awesome!

So maybe I'm being stupid about two or three pounds, maybe not. As of yesterday, I tried lowering my points on Weight Watchers by a little bit, and I'm going to see if over the next month or so, I can drop those two or three stupid pounds. And if not, if I continue to stay the same weight, then perhaps, as A told me yesterday, "Maybe your body just likes to be 146." And if it does, I'm going to be okay with that.

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Okay, now on to something totally different. I'm having a lot of trouble figuring out what to make this weekend for the following week. I've been perusing some favorite websites, and I have a few contenders:

Emily Bites Creamy Pasta with Sausage and Mustard Seeds

Emily Bites Creamy Lemon Tortellini Bake

Skinnytaste Slow Cooker Turkey Italian Meatballs

Emily Bites Slow Cooker Beef Stew

Skinnytaste Linguini with Sauteed Scallops and Peas

Okay, so help a girl out. Poll is here. Vote for what I should cook! Aaaaaaaand, go!

What recipe should I make this weekend?!
	Slow Cooker Beef Stew
	Lemon Tortellini Bake
	Italian Turkey Meatballs
	Pasta with Sausage and Mustard Seeds
	Linguini with Scallops and Peas
pollcode.com free polls

Happy *almost* weekend everyone!

Sick-ventures in Cooking

I haaaaaaaaaaaate being sick.

Yuck.

Most of my friends from college know how whiny and awful I get when I get sick - it was especially bad then as I was doing so much singing, even a little cold would ruin a full week. Recently, when I was working with teeny tinies (3 year-olds and younger) I would consistently lose my voice every time I got a cold, as I'd ooh and aah and sing "Old MacDonald" incessantly with the little guys. Now, if I have a cold, it's not the end of the world, but I still do not like it.

I felt a cold coming on this week on Friday morning - my nose was running like crazy on Thursday night, which it frequently does due to allergies, but I woke up in the middle of Thursday night with a little sore spot in my throat. That's the usual sign that I've come to recognize as meaning I'm getting a cold.

Ugh.

So, after making it through work on Friday, I loaded up with some Zicam, Mucinex, Kleenex, and chamomile tea, and decided I'd put this weekend to good use - relaxing and cooking!

After sleeping for 9-10 hours on Friday night, I picked up the staples at the grocery store on Saturday. I decided to make chicken marsala on Saturday night for dinner - a lightened up version made by Emily Bites and which can be found here! (By the way, the beef stew on the Emily Bites home page right now looks amaaazing - I'm not a huge red meat eater, but I definitely will make an exception for this one. Sounds delicious and easy to make!) Jury's still out on how the Chicken Marsala is, as after being sad that I couldn't smell or taste very well last night, I decided to store it in a tupperware and go with frozen leftovers.

The second thing I wanted to accomplish this weekend was to use a second can of pumpkin puree that I had in my cabinet since the holidays. When I went to buy pumpkin to make some pumpkin breads for family for Hanukkah/Christmas, there was a buy-one-get-one-free sale on the puree - I figured I'd use it at some point. I came across one more Emily Bites recipe and one Skinny Ms recipe, both for breakfasts, that included pumpkin and looked excellent. Before I went out to meet A and some friends last night, I threw together this Overnight Slow Cooker Pumpkin Pie Steel Cut Oats. I added some stevia in the raw for sweetener, and used unsweetened vanilla almond milk rather than water. In the morning, I had a delicious-smelling (Yes! I can smell again as of this morning!) oatmeal, which I pre-portioned for the coming week or to freeze as leftovers.

Second, I decided to make this Emily Bites pumpkin french toast! I frequently make french toast out of light wheat bread anyway - a very filling and low-calorie breakfast, using egg beaters and 1 Tbsp of maple syrup, and sometimes a side of turkey bacon or veggie sausage. This pumpkin version of my usual breakfast was amazing!

I made some for breakfast this morning, and it was a fabulous "I can smell again" treat!

Finally, I decided to go to the Farmer's Market after attempting a short run this morning, and got together a great bunch of vegetables: squash, zucchini, carrots, beets, cauliflower, and broccoli. I decided to throw these veggies together and roast them with some balsamic and olive oil, as suggested (again) by Emily Bites. These were so delicious, easy, and colorful!

Mixing together with balsamic and olive oil

Ready to roast!

A to-go package for work tomorrow!


Aaaaand then I decided to have a breadstick and salad at A's house and a bowl of light ice cream for dinner rather than eat the delicious things I made this weekend... oops. Oh well. I'm an adult and I can have ice cream for dinner if I want every once in awhile, right? :) I'll be excited to eat everything this coming week!

Hope everyone has a great week ahead!