Excuses, Excuses.

Sorry to say – once again, it’s been a long while since I’ve written. The past few weeks have been crazy. Crazy! The big news is that I have a new job, and between getting everything ready to start that job and finishing up at my previous job, it’s been a lot. It’s been a tough and busy transition, and I’ve been feeling a bit sad about leaving, especially since I work with a lot of awesome ladies, and I’m having to say goodbye to some of the amazing families and children that I work with. That said, I am excited to move on to my next opportunity, which I feel is more in line with what I can see myself doing more long-term in my career. So all of that has been eating a lot of my time and energy.

Besides this enormous change sapping a bunch of time and energy, I’ve been busy outside work as well! I attended my first 49ers game of the season (womp womp, they lost…), had my first choir concert with my new group and have been prepping for our holiday concerts, and managed to sneak in a weekend trip to NYC to see some of my favorite people.

Pretty view of NYC at night from the apartment building in Brooklyn.

Some drinks were consumed ...

I did manage to get in a 3 mile run by the Brooklyn Bridge with one of my favorite Brooklyn-ites while there – she was a trooper and took me on the run despite being slightly hungover, as the night before involved 2-for-1 drinks and hanging out playing party games. Although the weather could have been better, it was awesome to take in the sights via jogging around the area. Next time I am able to be in NYC, I told her we could run across the Brooklyn Bridge and go running through Central Park!

Pretty Downtown Brooklyn in the morning

We were sad to leave ☹


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So anyway, the topic of this entry, as you might guess from the title, is going to be excuses. I never wanted this blog to be about how awesome I am at working out and losing weight, I wanted it to be an honest picture of how difficult it can be to balance health, weight management, and still enjoying what one is eating and drinking. That said, there are definitely difficulties that I’m facing at the moment, as I’m still trying to figure out a lot of things myself.

At the moment, I'm finding maintenance to be much more difficult than weight loss. Why, you ask? I mean, you can eat more and you're no longer trying to lose weight, so theoretically, it's easier. However, weight loss was something very tangible to me - more calories burned than calories taken in - so I could really picture what I was supposed to do and where I wanted to get in terms of a goal. Maintenance, I think, is harder. I'm really trying to find out how to meet the balance of what my body needs without taking in too much or too little. I've also never been this small in my adult life, so it's difficult for me to know if this is a weight my body is comfortable with. I think my current weight, about 140-145, feels good, and it is within the healthy weight range for a person who is 5'7"-5'8" - so I'm going to keep feeling it out and making sure I'm comfortable to maintain here.

In any case, part of the struggle for me in finding what my body needs is excuses that I've made. First, I have been fiddling a bit with the number of Weight Watchers points I eat every day, trying to figure out what the right number is. I've had my daily point limit set at 30 for awhile, but I find that I sometimes get out of control with the number of flex "weekly" points I eat. These weekly points are extra food points that you're given a set number of each week, and can be used any day - a little at a time, or all at once. The biggest problem for me is that I often tend to spend these on empty calories or treats - which everyone needs, but not too too much of. I think I've been using very few of my weekly points during the week, then going a little crazy on the weekends.

My over-spending of weekly points started the day of my half marathon in San Francisco - I told myself I would give myself the day off from tracking my points for Weight Watchers that day. That had worked nicely since I had a drink and nice lunch/dinner/dessert after my first half marathon with the parents. However, with the second half marathon, I had a big filling lunch, then I found I just used not tracking as an excuse to eat all of my Thai takeout that I got for dinner, instead of as much as I was hungry for, since I wasn't tracking that day so I "could", and I snacked on anything and everything once I got home that day. However, I still lost/maintained weight that week. The following weekend, I used the fact that I had most of my weekly points leftover and the fact that I didn't gain the week before with one heavy food day to snack on a lot of different foods and not track again. I think the overeating on the weekends balanced out with not eating enough daily during the week, and although I didn't feel good or in control afterwards, I was still losing/maintaining. See how this is going? Thus starts the cycle.

Last weekend, the excuse was that I was on vacation and had been pretty good with food the rest of the week. I ate and drank as I pleased on Saturday, but then didn't get back on track on Sunday, and ended up snacking on less than healthy choices on the airplane and after. The excuse then was that I was going to get back on track the next day, so might as well eat the bad things ALL that day, right?

Nope. I've been feeling a little stressed over the weekend all week, and have weighed myself twice at the gym to make sure I haven't gained. Although I haven't gained weight, weighing myself because I feel like I need to all the time sucks - I definitely don't want to rely on the scale for my peace of mind.

So, I decided the excuses needed to stop, and I need to feel in control of my eating again. I might gain a little or lose a little in trying to achieve a balance at a healthy weight, but it will be worth it to eventually get a better handle on this. I'm learning that it doesn't happen right away - perhaps it will take me another month, maybe a year, maybe longer to truly get it, but the best I can do right now is be proactive.

Here is what I'm doing right now to combat the excuses:

1. I raised my daily points to 31 points, perhaps I'll even raise it to 32 if I need to. I think that way, I'll be more likely to eat things that are good for me daily, and not get this "even if I go over the amount of weekly points that I spend on snacks and treats, it's okay" mentality, because I'll be eating enough daily.

2. I'm going to a nutritionist on Tuesday for an assessment and consultation! I could not be more excited - although Weight Watchers has been a great program, I feel like I want to be better informed and speak with a professional about what I can do to maintain weight long term.

I've already felt better this week about food, and I'm trying not to stress over the scale too much. And this coming week, my plan is to eat things that are good for me and stay on plan - yet I'm definitely going to enjoy myself (within semi-moderation) on Thanksgiving!

Curious to hear what others have struggled with in terms of health, nutrition, and weight loss - and what you're doing to change it. Leave me a comment or send an e-mail.

Hope you all have an amazing weekend and upcoming week!